Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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