god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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