I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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