if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
