I wish my penis had an off switch
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
