Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Send help, water and tortillas.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
