Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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