My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
