I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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