today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
