I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
