Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need water and some morals
Randomize
