he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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