You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
