Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
