Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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