There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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