woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
