yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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