i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
