I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
