am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
