i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize