i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
