Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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