U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
