the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
