dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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