Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
