What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
