Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
