Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
