Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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