She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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