Do you still have your period?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
