New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
