we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
