Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
