Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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