Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize