too bad you live with your parents still
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
