fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
