I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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