By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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