I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize