Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
