I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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