I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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