the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
