His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
