He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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