Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
