Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
