those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
