Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
