her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
