she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
