I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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