We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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