so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
