quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
