I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
