Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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