went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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