Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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