a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
