I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
