I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
