Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Panties = found
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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