my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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