This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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