I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
