You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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