If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is wine microwaveable?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My dick has a subreddit
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
