I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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