at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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