Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We had sex on a dog bed..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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