Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize