I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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