every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
