just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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