dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
