This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
