Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
