I look better un-naked...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
