I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
