I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There's always time for handjobs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
