why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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