unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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