I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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