Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
