oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
