I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
