Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
