mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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