i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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