tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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