was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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