I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize