wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
