So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
