someone get that fucking seahorse.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
