so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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