Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
