Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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