I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
