Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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