Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
