I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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