You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
