You can't motorboat a personality
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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