thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
